Top 5 Florida Man (and Woman) Moments of Madness

In Florida, we don’t hide the madness. We invite it to sit on the front porch and offer it a sweet tea.

If you watch the national news, Florida comes off as a wild, lawless, alligator-lovin’, gun-totin' swamp country.

But there is a legal reason why Florida gets a bad rap.

You can’t tell us that these crazy-town incidents don’t happen in other states (I’m looking at you Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia). Florida doesn’t bother to hide the madness.

First off, Florida has “Sunshine Laws”—basically, everything’s public for men and women. You sneeze weird and the cops show up? There’s a record of it, and some local reporter’s already typing up a headline. It’s almost too easy.

Then there’s the population. Florida’s a melting pot. From retirees to spring breakers, families, transplants from all over the world, everyone. Toss all those personalities together, and you’re bound to get some weird stories. And have you been to Florida in August? The humidity alone could make a monk snap.

Florida Man taking out the trash.

Needless to say, the internet eats this stuff up. Somebody does something dumb in Miami, and within hours, it’s a meme. People literally Google “Florida Man” plus their birthday to see what kind of insane headline pops up—it’s like a horoscope, but way more entertaining.

Don’t forget all the tourists either. When you’ve got millions of people passing through, odds are, a few of them are going to do something that lands them in the news.

The bottom line is that Florida’s no crazier than anywhere else. We just make it easier to see the chaos..

While we’re not exactly brimming with pride at the Florida Man (Woman) news, we believe in owning everything about our home. It’s important to embrace the warts along with the magical wonder that is our Sunshine State..

Top 5 Florida Man, and Woman Moments of Madness

1.     Florida Man Punches Guy for Complimenting His Ride September 1st, John Sturgeon—because of course his last name is Sturgeon—straight up punches a dude. Why? For being NICE. According to the Polk County Sheriffs, this guy stops in the middle of the street, hops out, walks over to the other car, and decks the guy for saying, “Nice car, bro!” There’s even dashcam footage of it. After his little rage fest, Sturgeon just gets back in his car and drives off like nothing happened. Cops eventually put out a warrant. Yes, he turned himself in. I mean… you can’t make this up.

A creative way to exit a car.

2.     Florida Couple Tries to Cash in a DIY Lottery Ticket You ever look at a torn-up scratcher and think, “I could fix this”? Well, Dakota Jones and his girlfriend Kira Enders didn’t just think it, they grabbed some tape, pieced a lottery ticket together, and tried to cash it in for a million bucks. Spoiler: It didn’t work. Escambia County Sheriff’s Office hit them with a grocery list of charges—fraud, grand theft, the works. Honestly, A for effort, F for execution.

Who cares about gator wrestling. Where are his shoes?

3.     Gator Wrestling But Make It Barefoot April rolls around in Jacksonville and cops call up Fish and Wildlife because there’s a massive eight-foot gator just chilling. Enter Mike Dragich, who leaves a hockey game mid-period, wrangles the gator (barefoot, naturally), and then just strolls back to catch the third period. Oh, and he’s an MMA fighter who goes by @bluecollar_brawler on Insta. Because why not? But seriously, WHERE WERE HIS SHOES.

4.     Spaghetti Sauce Showdown Anthony Fiacco: arrested for chucking spaghetti sauce at his mom. Cops say he got into it with his mother, lost his cool, and launched the sauce. When police showed up, he tried hiding in some bushes, which, considering his “heavy stature,” went about as well as you’d expect. He was booked for battery and resisting, minus the violence. Can’t make this pasta drama up.

5.     Florida Man Hits 75 Arrests—Is That a Record? Mark Brents, August 23rd. Mr. Brents is arrested for the 75th time. Not a typo. This time, he was running a barcode scam at Lowe’s, swiping $4,500 in merchandise. He’s got a rap sheet longer than a CVS receipt, plus he was already on probation. At this point, the mugshot camera probably greets him by name.

Do you think these guys and gals have cornered the market on weirdness? Got your own wild Florida tale? Let us know.